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Is there something in your life that is more difficult than it should be? Or something you would like to take to another level or create as a steady practice? Try starting it’s a mindful skill that takes place in this moment.
The practice of yoga is the practice of starting over. Certainly, anyone who’s attended a yoga class has had the experience of refocusing and approaching the next posture or repetition with freshness. Or starting again after having not done yoga for awhile. But starting over as a practice differs from the ordinary necessities of repetition or overcoming inertia. In yoga, starting over is about awareness in this moment. While keeping a goal in mind, starting over is the practice of shifting focus from the ultimate outcome to enjoying the process itself.
Are You Forcing Yourself To Do Something You Don’t Want to Do?
Let’s start with something you think you want to do, such as to continue or develop your practice of yoga asanas or meditation. Or some type of change: to diminish a tendency such as impatience, reactive anger or feeling like a victim. Or to improve communication or bring more understanding to a relationship. Or to do more exercise or to eat better. Pick any challenge in your life today.
The first step is to investigate if you actually want to do whatever it is you are trying to do. Maybe the reason you can’t get into it or you stopped doing it is that it really isn’t that interesting or important. It doesn’t truly capture your attention.
Now’s the time to be sincere. Ask yourself: “Do I really want to do this?” “Are the reasons for trying this still valid?” “Will this give me what I want?” “Will I continue to carry a nagging feeling that I want to be doing it?” Consider dropping the pursuit if dropping it brings more peace.
Intention and Goal
If, however, the answers point you towards continuing, be clear about your goal. Goals are important because they open a pathway. The goal starts from here and directs you to where you would like to be there. Say the goal out loud or write it down: “I want to learn patience.” “I want to be able to flow with life easier.” “I want to be more flexible.”
Now revise the goal to a smaller step, if possible: “The next time I am impatient I will notice it.” “The next time I feel resistance I will release it.” “I will practice for five minutes a day so the next time I am in yoga class I will be able to get my head closer to my knees.”
In identifying a goal, be careful about expectations. The good thing about expectations is that they can transform possibility into probability. They fuel emotions with anticipation, confidence and hope. But expectations can add obstacles when you think you should be better or something should be easier. When you set expectations too high, or not in increments, they can become disappointments and add to reasons to give up rather than to start over.
What’s Going On?
Next, survey the circumstances surrounding your intention. It’s natural to create a story around why you may not be doing something. For example, “I was going to yoga classes every week, then I got sick, then I had to work late on Tuesdays.” Take a closer look. The next reason might be, “And I’m embarrassed because I’ve been away so long.” Or, “I’m not as good as I was a few years ago.” Or, simply, “The class is too rigorous for me”.
The reasons you stopped doing something could be useful if you can quickly identify them and offer a possible solution. You might not have the right teacher or style of yoga, for example. Or perhaps it isn’t the right school or pathway of meditation.
But if the reasons become a long and repetitious list of complaints or problems, you have made it too complicated. Listen to what your mind is telling you about the situation. Are you just making excuses? In that case, return to the first step and ask yourself if you are sure you want to do what you think you should be doing.
Fear of Failure
In a broad sense, the main reason to not start over is fear of failure. Thoughts of failure focus on weakness and inability. What do you tell yourself at the crossroads between going forward or being stuck? How much is your ego involved? Over the next few months consider watching your thoughts to notice what your mind says right before, during and after you face your challenge. Do you notice you have been judgmental, self-critical or filled with comparisons? If so, ask yourself, how useful is this point of view?
Are any of these statements familiar? “I’ll never succeed to the level I think I should, so I’ll give up.” “I tried it once or a couple times and was unsuccessful. Why should I put myself through that again?” “I’ll never be as good as they are.” “I’m inadequate.” “I’m incapable.” “I’ll let somebody down or somebody will let me down.” Although some of these statements may seem overly negative or even childish, investigate what your mind is telling you and identify any negative thinking.
Attentiveness and the Present Moment
The present moment is the most important moment in life. Every experience happens right now. It’s at this moment where you can develop the art of starting over by simply focusing with full awareness and doing your best right now. Whatever you focus your attention on increases the energy. By attentiveness alone you are in the right frame of mind.
Pay attention to the present moment. Trust that you have set your goal so you can let go of thinking of the future. Trust that you can overlook mental protests so you can let go of the past.
Now you can start over. Regardless of your goal, regardless of your history, it is this moment that counts. It is the angry reaction you don’t have right now that’s important. The piece of chocolate you don’t eat right now. The extra stretch you take right now. With awareness, every moment is a beginning, a focus, an effort, a concentration.
When you can stay in the present, you can focus on the journey, or the process. You open to accepting reality as it is, rather than some expectation. You can forgive the times you fall back or forget to just start over. You can redirect your attention back to what needs to be done right now.
Create Your Own Fail-Safe
A useful method to prepare for being in the present when challenges arise is to create your own fail-safe. A fail-safe is a safeguard that prevents the likelihood of failure. It acts as a safety net so you don’t fall too far. It also simply stops self-criticism or whatever is creating a block so you can start again.
Consider several options and choose ones that will probably help you. For example, “When I criticise myself for my lack of flexibility, I will tell myself at least I’m at yoga class right now.” “If I get impatient at someone else’s slowness, I will close my eyes and calm myself through my breath.” “Whenever I catch myself worrying, I will bring myself to the present moment rather than focusing on the imaginary future.”
Keep a few fail-safe responses in the back of your mind so you can use them as appropriate. This will automatically switch you into a safe condition, which can put you in the proper position for starting over. Here are some suggestions:
• Be prepared to take action: To shift your attention to the present, do something physical. In yoga a simple method is to place your hands in prayer position. In other instances you may be ready to walk out into a garden or wash the dishes, or any other activity that gives you the opportunity to regroup and become present.
• Accept your feeling: It’s easier to acknowledge your feeling than to fight it. Allow yourself to say, “It’s okay to feel frustrated.”
• Uplift your thinking: When your mind is being negative, don’t focus on the negativities. Instead, tell yourself: “I don’t have to listen to my mind.” “I can be gentle with myself.” “I can encourage myself.” “I can accept myself for exactly who I am in this moment.”
Starting over also is the art of being content with where you are in this moment. In his book, Carrot in My Ear, Swami Shankarananda says, “When you are moving towards a goal, the attitude of contentment is much more effective than the attitude of discontent. The mind is always hungry. The Buddhists call it ‘the craving mind.’ It always wants something better. The grass is greener. The mind craves and craves. But where does it ever end? When does the mind ever say, ‘Enough, enough’? It never does. So you may as well stop right now. Shut it up. And the way to do that is to practise contentment, I am content here and now’.”
Only Success Exists
In starting over, effort alone will bring you along. The great treatise on right action, the Yoga Vashishta says, “As is the effort, so is the fruit; this is the meaning of self-effort.” When you place your attention on the process, there is only success.
To practice the art of starting over:
• Renew your commitment to building awareness in this moment.
• Focus away from dwelling on characteristics that limit you.
• Don’t deny feelings.
• When you forget, do it again—starting right now.
Nisargadatta Maharaj, one of the 20th-century’s great yogis, said, “There is no question of failure, neither in the short run nor in the long. It is like travelling a long and arduous road in an unknown country. Of all the innumerable steps there is only the last which brings you to your destination. Yet you will not consider all previous steps as failures. Each brought you nearer to your goal, even when you had to turn back to by-pass an obstacle. In reality each step brings you to your goal, because to be always on the move, learning, discovering, unfolding, is your eternal destiny. Living is life’s only purpose.”
Tips for Starting Over:
• Shift your attention away from controlling the outcome to what is happening in this moment.
• Abandon your usual reactions when you get off track, such as criticising, judging, complaining or lamenting.
• Avoid engaging in negative thinking.
• Acknowledge your feelings without making judgments about them.
• Have compassion for how difficult this moment is.
• Focus on and use your strengths.
• With awareness, take the action required in the present, and start over.
• Be prepared to start over again and again
• Enjoy the moment, right now.
Using the Breath to Start Over
Whenever you are blocked or in a challenging situation, concentrating on the breath is one of the most effective ways to prepare yourself to start over. Simply bring your attention to the process of breathing. Become present in your body and in your mind. Take a couple long, deep breaths and allow your breathing to relax into its natural rhythm. Now focus on the task at hand. And with attention and mindfulness, start over.
The Art of Starting Over
In Yoga Practice
Identify where you are right now. Are you considering starting yoga? Or have you missed some classes, either a few weeks or a few years? Then go to a class. Are you considering doing more practice at home? Then just do one 15-minute routine. Would you like to develop more perseverance and less self-criticism during class? Allow each movement to give you the opportunity to use attentiveness.
Every movement going into, sustaining and coming out of a yoga posture is a possibility to maintain awareness and focus. Every repetition of every asana is an opportunity to start over. As an example, be attentive the next time you do a balancing pose. Perhaps you can go into it and hold it quite well, with concentration and awareness. Perhaps you balance, you lose balance. You start over. You balance, you lose balance. That’s not so bad. Eventually you may balance or eventually you may never balance. It’s always about the effort right now.
In Meditation
Meditation is the perfect arena to practice the art of starting over. In meditation, begin by making yourself alert, but at ease. Accomplished yogis may sit in full or half-lotus postures, but you can sit in a chair. You can even lie down as long as you don’t go to sleep. Many schools of meditation, especially in the West, say that it is more important to meditate even while slouching than it is to not meditate because you can’t sit with a straight back.
You might begin by focusing on the breath, a mantra or a single uplifting idea, such as light, strength or grace. Ideally this focus can lead to an inner expansion and a thought-free state called samadhi, or absorption in divine peace. But . . . more likely, some moments along, you may become aware that thoughts have been rolling by and you have become engaged in one or a series of thoughts, even perhaps caught in the emotion of them.
Here’s the moment to begin again. Release your attraction to the thoughts of the mind. Yet, don’t admonish yourself for thinking; it is the nature of the mind to think. Instead, with full attention, focus on the breath, a mantra or a single uplifting idea . . . and as necessary, start again. Over time you’ll build the skill of starting over and focusing the energy of the mind on going beyond the trains of thoughts to the inner space of peace.
In Strong Emotion
Most often, strong negative emotions arise as reactions to people or situations. When a strong emotion arises, focus on the feeling and try to identify it. Acknowledge the feeling, no matter what it is. Take a deep breath and keep your awareness in the present moment. State the feeling out loud. Ask yourself, “Do I want to stay in this strong emotion for the rest of the day—or even for the next ten minutes?” Be gentle. Take another deep breath . . and start over.
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