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Have you ever noticed that life is filled with resistance or blocks to getting what you want? We see setbacks, delays and difficulties as a nuisance. Yet the obstacles we place in our life and how we overcome them are sometimes our greatest avenues for personal growth.
It’s easy to experience resistance in yoga classes. They are specifically designed to help the body become stronger or more flexible through movement and physical resistance. It’s also easy to experience the I-don’t-feel-like-it struggle of preparing to attend a class. When you think of it, however, resistance is inherent in everyday life, from getting out of bed, to going to work, taking care of children or arranging or doing almost anything. Even at your laziest and most resistant, if you want your dinner delivered, you have to find the number, make the phone call, answer the door and pay for it.
Resistance at its best is a slight inconvenience; at its worst it becomes a seemingly insurmountable obstacle or hassle. But the yogis suggest we look at it from a different point of view. What if resistance, obstacles or not getting what we want are perfect occasions to look at ourselves closely? They can be viewed as opportunities to investigate and overcome our attitudes and limiting perspectives.
The 20th-century Western mystic G.I. Gurdjieff encouraged his students to consider the value of resistance. In his teachings he defined what he called the Three Forces. First force is the initiating force: I want. Second force is resistance: I am not getting what I want. Third force is grace or opening the flow: I got what I want or I no longer want what I thought I wanted.
Gurdjieff said, ‘Let us suppose, for instance, that a man wants to work on himself in order to change certain of his characteristics, to attain a higher level of being. His desire, his initiative, is the active force [initiating force]. The inertia of all his habitual psychological life which shows opposition to his initiative will be the negative force [resistance]. . . until the third force makes its appearance, in the form, for instance, of new knowledge [grace or flow].’
Initiating force, Intention
The initiating force, or what Gurdjieff calls first force, is the impetus to do. It covers the wide range of beginnings, interests and actions, and might be any intention: an idea, creative spark, inclination or plan.
Intention starts with a thought. ‘I hope . . . I expect . . . Wouldn’t it be nice if . . . Let’s go . . .’ The thought might develop into a feeling as the fantasy takes shape. Sometimes this initiating force fizzles as the imagined feeling loses its appeal. At other times it becomes stronger and transforms into wanting. But, as we all know, simply wanting something doesn’t mean we’ll get it. Even when we take it to the next step, from wanting to doing, we still don’t necessarily get it.
Expectation and Reality
Reality is such that if you want something, you usually have to contend with resistance, or second force. Resistance might arise in the nature of difficulties or blocks, which might be actual physical obstacles. In practicing yoga asanas, your whole body might feel stiff or one part may have more or less strength. Typically, one side of the body may be more supple than the other. Resistance in everyday life can be commonplace, such as pouring water into a glass before you drink it, or more complex, such as a detour around road construction, the wrong size wrench or no hot water. Resistance can also take the form of lack, such as needing money, skills, cooperation or other resources. Often resistance is met through misunderstanding, stubbornness or charged negative emotion.
Consider taking a moment to review how you get things done, from the simplest to the most challenging. When things go smoothly, it’s easy and you barely notice each of the many steps. When things are progressively more difficult, it’s harder and you focus on each step as well as on the difficulty itself. What happens?
Amazingly, a common first response is surprise. Things should go the way we want them to, but they don’t. We create expectations and are astounded when they aren’t fulfilled. Then, we mechanically have emotional reactions and fall into patterns of behaviour.
Second force seems to exist outside us. When we can’t get what we want one tendency is to blame the outer world—people, places, inanimate objects, events, even the weather. We might ‘suffer’ from too much of one thing and not enough of another, being overwhelmed, or a general ‘it’s too hard’. In yoga practice we might blame our bodies, the teacher, or someone on the other side of the room who is ‘naturally more flexible’.
Resistance as Inner World
But what if resistance actually is a projection of your inner world? Try reviewing some of the obstacles, confrontations and challenges you have encountered lately. What have your responses been? These responses are how second force or resistance manifests in you.
First, let’s look at physical manifestations. You may consistently tense certain muscles, such as hunching your shoulders. Some people tighten their jaw and clench their teeth. Others actually make a fist. Physical responses to resistance can become chronic. The same response leads to the same tension, which can build into a persistent condition of physical pain.
Physical tension can also be a symptom of emotional tension. These include the classic lump in the throat, pain in the heart or feeling kicked in the stomach. Others include nausea, depression, headaches or fatigue. Do you have a pattern of physical tension? Can you relate it to responding to resistance or not getting what you want?
Fortunately, not every experience of resistance results in physical tension. But often this second force arises as emotional response. Typically, the standard response is anger, from mild impatience to full-blown tantrums. Another usual response is in the realm of comparison: ‘How come they have it easier?’ ‘Why is it harder for me?’ Some people become fearful or even paranoid, thinking, ‘the world is against me’. Others fall into feelings of self-pity, resentment or sacrifice. Still others feel put-upon: ‘I always have to do it all myself’. Or, they look for another person to make them feel better. Depending on the circumstances and how you are feeling at the moment, you might get caught in self-criticism, doubt, fear, insecurity or a tendency to struggle or fight.
What is your experience? What negative feelings arise when you don’t get what you want? Of course, everyone has different responses to different situations. Can you identify a pattern? If you can’t identify a pattern now, observe yourself. Look beyond the initial frustration to explore what your mind tells you. Or consider how you relate stories about events in your life. Do you, as the main character, have a characteristic response?
It’s easier to see it in other people. You might know someone who changes partners and appears to find similar people with similar tendencies. Or individuals who have changed jobs because they feel bullied or patronized and are again bullied or patronized in the new position and say that bullies or know-it-alls ‘follow’ them.
Survey the patterns of your life. Sometimes, no matter what you do, how hard you try, or how well you alter outer circumstances you have the same experience of second force, or resistance. Is there a thought, feeling, state of being or tendency that consistently arises when you don’t get what you want? Listen carefully to your internal voice. Here’s the opportunity to find the constant: you.
Working with Your Resistance
The key, as in all of yoga philosophy and practice, is awareness. It might be appropriate to consider what you want that you’re not getting either quick enough or ever. Ask yourself, ‘Do I really want this?’ ‘Is it necessary?’ ‘Can I drop it?’ ‘Can I wait?’ ‘What other information or resources do I need?’ ‘Can I see this from another point of view?’
It’s also appropriate to consider your emotional responses. Once you identify a pattern you have something to work with. As best you can, articulate it: ‘I have a tendency to feel tragic . . . like a martyr . . . rejected . . .’
The next time the thought-pattern arises, zero in on it. ‘How interesting. When I’m having a difficult day I think, why are things so hard.’ ‘When I can’t get my way I feel that others are against me.’ ‘I reject help and then tell myself I have to do everything.’ ‘I love playing tennis. But I ruin it because I admonish myself for not being a better player’.
Needless to say, once you identify these patterns you can ask yourself if they are serving you well. For the most part they are not true, not real and not valid. In addition, these patterns most likely are holding you back from deeper understanding. When you let go of even one of these patterns you can feel lighter, more peaceful, adjusted and open.
In his book, Consciousness Is Everything, Swami Shankarananda says, ‘The tension we feel is second force, blocked energy. This resistance is inherent in many, if not all, things in life. The yogic approach is not to push through second force, but to hold it within and work on it. Working on it has a variety of meanings. Understanding is one of them. Once we understand something we can let it go or shift it.’
Here is a challenge. Pick one thought-pattern response that arises three times and focus on it for the next three months. Every time your mind goes into that response, catch it. You might want to ask the mind some revealing questions, such as ‘Is it true? Is it helpful? Is there any substance? Is it filled with good feeling or bad feeling?’ Then ask yourself if you are ready to drop it and open to a more expanded state of consciousness.
The Force of Grace or Flow
Third force, or the force that removes the obstacle or opens the flow may appear to be an outer world event. Someone gives you money, you get a new job or promotion, your hips open and you reach a deeper or more open experience of some yoga asanas. Yet, grace resonates as an inner world state of being and arises as balance, release, alignment or depth.
To open the flow of grace, you only have to drop your resistance. You may not immediately get what you want, but you will have a happier experience. In the normal course of events it’s not extremely difficult. Resistance easily gives way to perseverance, patience or creativity. Of the thousand responses to obstacles many are positive: do it again, try later, get more information or better tools, use a different method, ask for help. Every day we encounter things that require extra effort, working around something, more exertion or more thinking or doing.
How many times have you finally gotten something you’ve looked forward to or worked hard for and it’s anticlimactic? Or not as good as you thought it would be. Or different, or better. From the yogic point of view, life is much more about the experience or process rather than getting or not getting.
The three forces work together and interrelate. One doesn’t sit on its own but rises and falls and interlocks with the others. Sometimes resistance arises because it’s appropriate to wait, it’s necessary to work harder, or it’s time for an equilibrium between being and doing. Grace can open to the initiating force, which meets resistance, which resolves into expansion and grace. Resistance leads to flow. Resolution differs from thought. Creativity is borne from challenge.
The next time you meet with resistance, consider that it is the primary experience and the perfect opportunity to find out what your mind is telling you. Investigate your attitude and let go.
From Resistance to Peace
• Discover the resistance. Whenever you encounter an obstacle or resistance, take a moment to turn your attention inside. Notice if you are filled with thoughts. Focus clearly on what you want or what you are not getting. Then articulate a statement: ‘I had tickets to a concert and can’t go because I have to work another shift’.
• Recognize the feeling. Notice your emotional state and make a statement: ‘I feel exasperated. I want to scream’. Is your emotional level appropriate for the circumstance?
• Notice the energy. Are you becoming charged with anger or fear, or depleted with negative energy? Even if nothing seems funny, can you find humour? Humour can quickly dissolve anger and fear, especially when we direct it towards ourselves.
• Acknowledge any tension. Quickly survey your body. Are you holding tension? Where? Physically you may be frowning, grinding your teeth or tightening muscles. If you can, release the tension. If you can’t, voice it. ‘I feel tension in my shoulders’.
• Find any patterns. The tendency to store negative emotions can create chronic physical and emotional conditions. Is this familiar? How long have you been doing this? Weeks or years? Sometimes we take on the patterns of one or both parents or other family members.
• Find the simple issue. What is the underlying issue? Frequently the issue beneath the surface is that you don’t want to look inadequate to others. Try to find the simple emotional knot. ‘I’m angry with myself that I didn’t leave earlier’. ‘I feel hurt by what that person said to me’. ‘I’m embarrassed and feel stupid’.
• Look deeper. Now go deeper. Find out how you might be criticizing yourself. ‘I’m not good enough.’ ‘I hurt myself by believing what that person said’.
• Accept. As best you can, open yourself to insights about your emotional patterns. Absorb the information with gentleness. ‘This resistance is my reaction.’ ‘This resistance is my anger.’
• Increase the energy. Investigate how you can release the resistance. ‘Do I need to re-think this?’ ‘Do I need to let something go?’ ‘Do I need to ask for help?’ ‘Do I need to work harder?’ ‘Do I need to back off?’
• Go for peace. Explore how you can experience the most peace in each situation. You may find peace in acting or not acting, in speaking or not speaking, in moving forward or stepping back. Ask yourself, ‘If I do this or if I do that, which gives me more peace?’
Inquiry on Resistance
Pick an issue that usually triggers the experience of resistance. If one doesn’t instantly come to mind, think of something you can’t get, something challenging, or something you can’t seem to do. Ask yourself, ‘What is the resistance?’ See if you can put a name to it.
Explore it. Ask yourself, ‘What do I want and I’m not getting?’ or ‘What do I not want and am resisting?’
Look at the external situation. If you could wave a magic wand, how would you change it so you could get your way? Is it likely that will happen? Look again. Ask yourself, ‘What am I desperate for?’ ‘What am I pushing away?’
What is the emotional context? If you don’t care that much, can you drop it? Ask yourself, ‘What if I don’t get it or what if I can’t stop it from happening?’ Does it matter that much? If it does, look at the emotion. Maybe it’s simple, such as ‘I think I will be more comfortable with it’. Or more complicated: ‘My car needs to be fixed and I can’t get to work’. Ask yourself, ‘What is my fear?’ Is it about basic needs? ‘I won’t have food to eat or shelter from the rain.’ ‘I won’t have money for the rest of the month.’ Is it within your own psychology? ‘No matter what job I have my boss doesn’t like me.’ ‘I find shopkeepers irritating—whatever happened to friendly service.’
Is there anything behind it? Ask yourself: ‘Where does the need come from?’ ‘Where does the resistance come from?’ Look deeply within. You might want to start making notes to help you remember and work with what you find.
What is the third force or grace? What can solve the problem or get around the obstacle. Sometimes it’s money. Sometimes it might be someone else giving way. But mostly it is within. Ask yourself, ‘What is within me that holds this position and is pushing against an immovable wall?’ ‘What if I stopped pushing?’
Imagine yourself letting go, just stopping any pride or obstinacy. What do you need to resolve the situation? Courage, strength, wisdom, letting go of anger or fear? Identify it as a basic want or not-want, then voice it. ‘I don’t want fear.’ ‘I let go of my anxiety’. ‘I want courage.’ ‘I want strength’. ‘I want peace.’
In yoga, right now is the perfect time to ‘just do it’: let go of resistance and take a step into your higher consciousness. ‘I want nothing.’ ‘I accept everything exactly as it is.’
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